Saludos

Dear taxi drivers in Teguz,
I just got out of a taxi. I don't want another taxi.  If I did, I would not be getting out of this one.  Stop bombarding me.

Dear Rooster,
SHUT UP.  For the love of god.  It is 2am.

Dear host family,
French fries are not the same food group as sandwich bread.  When I have amoebic dysentery and ask for pan sandwich, please do not bring me papas fritas.

Dear dog shrouded in fleas,
I pity you, but get away from me.  You are probably covered in excrement.

Dear kid on bicycle,
Are you trying to swerve and kill me?  Because I'm trying to get out of your way.

Dear construction workers who piropo (cat call) me as I walk by,
You are lucky my Spanish isn't good enough to give you a piece of my mind.  Lucky.

Dear Hondurans,
You put a pound of sugar on all of your food, yet put salt on fruit?  It doesn't make sense.

Dear Rat,
You are dead to me for eating my chocolate.  I hope it kills you and you rot in rat hell.

Dear whoever drives down my street at 5am blasting reggaeton over a megaphone,
Seriously?  I mean, really.  SERIOUSLY?

Dear cows,
You are large and slow.  Get out from in front of our car.

Dear mutton-chopped, afroed, mustached campesino in oversized camo shirt, rain boots, sombrero, and tassled machete sheath,
You are awesome.  The world needs more of you.